Stanley Cup Semi Finals 2015 Preview

This Stanley Cup Playoffs has been eventful, nostalgic, ethereal and totally blasphemous. There have been goals, murders, controversy and lots of spilled beer during the playoffs. Everything a hockey fan wants. So with their being just four teams left. Let’s take a closer look at the final four teams before they all square off.

The first Semi Final Matchup is Lord Voldemort vs Scarlett Johannsen.

Lord Voldemort


Lord Voldemort is on a tear of late by casting numerous death spells against his opponents. Voldemort had never played hockey as a kid, he was just all about murder when he was young so it is nice to see him thrive in a new sport. His strengths involve murder and espionage and bribery.

His weaknesses are that his skills are tied to his horcruxes and he cannot skate well.

Scarlett Johannsen:


Scarlett Johannsen has been consistent this whole season and racking up a ton of orgasmic goals and won the MVP Award presented by Playboy. Her strengths involve seduction and strip teasing. Her weaknesses involve upper body strength.

The Jacksonville Jaguars face off against the New York Times in the 2nd Semi Final Matchup


The Jaguars will be heavily favored since the Times sucked so badly as of late and have been lucky to make it this far. The Times have been atrocious ever since they lost their starting striker to injury, which was a Color Printer. The Jaguars advantage is they have 100 players on the roster all on steroids. The Jags weaknesses are they are all illiterate and cannot tie their shoes. The Times players are very good at puzzles and Jenga.


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